That Bastard Shot Me!

The day only continued to get worse.

After Johnny was shot dead a group of somewhere around half a dozen elves attacked us. Unlike the savage group we met before, this group was more sophisticated, as they were armed with firearms very similar to our own, but these weapons were useless in the hands of these buffoons, as their sniper missed with every shot. I tried my hand at the gatling gun, but the heavy piece of mechanized death didn’t suit me, so after finding a magical rapier, I took to the field, slaying the two elves that stood before me with the help of the workers. Upon slaying two of the attackers with my unequaled grace, one of the workers tossed a rope halfway up the cliff where the sniper was positioned and told me to start climbing. Of all the ignorance… Anyways, I began climbing, but the wind began to pick up, making the task more difficult than I anticipated at first.

Since I know this is my personal dairy and that no one else will EVER READ THIS, I feel safe in sharing that as the wind picked up, and my strength was not at its peak, I was eventually blown sideways on the rope. While sideways, I glanced over and watched as the girl in the front wagon was supporting Her Kinglyness (H.K.) with some cover fire while she attacked two other elves with a tomahawk. I also saw the maniacal Commander/Lieutenant person fighting off three or four other elves in the river with the help of the workers and Viktor (Russian guy). I finally made my way up the cliff, much easier once I reached the halfway-mark, and found that the sniper had deserted his friends, obviously too much of a failure to be of any use, and left his sniper rifle on the ground. I took a moment to look at the scenery, and found several areas of the forest aflame, and looked back to my group and saw that “SeeingFarther” had deserted us the moment the battle began (what an asshole, I mean I know these elves are savages, but I though they were brave warriors at least. Wait, scratch that, if they were brave they wouldn’t have sent us in their warriors’ place).

ANYWAYS I shouted what I saw down to H.K. after she slew the last elf, and after making my way gracefully down the cliff and while Viktor stayed with the wagons, H.K., Commander-Lieutenant-guy and I followed SeeingFarther’s tracks. We soon found that he was followed and possible captured by some giant 6-legged monstrosity, and that the tracks led to an abandoned military fort and then to the north. I revealed some of my shapeshifting powers and transformed into a doe and wandered into the fort, and found they had taken almost everything except for a cannon, some maps and military documents, and the kitchen sink. I went into the main tent and found some maps of the surrounding area, a few notes mentioning some kind of magic medallion, and then heard the loud “thud” of my companions entering the camp. I showed H.K. what I had found while the Commander-Lieutenant, excuse me, SIR Com./Lt. went on a looting party and found some golden boots and knife.

It came to my attention that it might be a good idea to show H.K. what I am, so that she doesn’t shoot me the moment I shapeshift, and while contemplating this, she found some gunpowder and began having fun shooting various objects out of the cannon at the watchtower. I took her aside and showed her that I am a changeling, and for some reason, this angered the dickhead Commander, as he pointed a gun at me and refused to lower it. What I showed H.K. didn’t even faze her, as she shrugged, went back to the cannon, and lit a bunch of gunpowder, she was going to blow the fort up. I ran for the entrance with H.K. and then the Commander did something I am not going to forget very easily.

THAT BLOODY BASTARD SHOT ME IN THE F*@%&$G ASS! I’M IN MOURNING FOR MY ASS!!!!

It doesn’t matter now, I’ll get him back. I always get my revenge. ALWAYS.

—Corona Vox

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